The truth which almost breached the surface slips under again, though it's still visible, skimming just beneath the waves.

"I..."

He brings himself to bear on the subject, as much as he can ever really bring himself to.

"I've told John, and I'll tell you, I don't know how it all would've shaken out if I'd known." It sounds like something he's rehearsed a hundred times. "Maybe better, maybe worse. Can't be sure that I woulda done it differently in your place."